My top 10 Chicago sports moments in history

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Hi. I'm Brandon Walker. You may know me from such shows as Walk The Line, The Yak, The Dozen, Unnecessary Roughness, sometimes The Rundown, Mornin' Sunshine, Stool Streams, Stool Scenes and the legendary Picks Central.

Due to the Barstool Sportsbook App dropping in Illinois Thursday and due to the fact that I'm probably the pre-eminent Chicago sports expert at Barstool, I felt compelled to bless you with a top ten list on the eve of sports gambling Christmas.

So, without further bullshit, I present to you my top ten Chicago sports moments ever.

10. Al Bundy's MVP Speech

This speech comes seconds after Al pinch hits for his mall's softball team and hits a game-winning home run. The speech is incredible and it sums everything I think about everybody. "I hate you all and I have no one to thank but myself." Truly legendary stuff. Also the speech is only here because I couldn't find video of the home run.

9. Glenallen Hill rooftop home run.

This is very possibly the coolest home run of all time. A little backstory. As a kid growing up in the South with only three channels at my parent's single-wide trailer, I often spent summer days at my grandfather's house down the road because he had a satellite. So after moving the satellite (which he traditionally kept on the Playboy channel) from S1 to G1 or G3, I was able to spend my summer afternoons watching the Cubs. This home run was way after that but it's still in the day time so it reminded me of those days. Cubs baseball and the smell of whiskey, that was my grandfather's house. This home run is awesome.

8. This pass by Derrick Rose.

Jesus Christ what a pass.

7. Dewayne Wise makes a catch in the ninth inning.

This catch came in the ninth inning of a regular season game for the Whiter Sox against the Rays. Just some great athleticism and concentration to help the White Sox finish off a win.

6. This run by Walter Payton.

Bo Jackson gets a lot of the credit for being a bad motherfucker on Tecmo Bowl but Walter Payton also existed on the game. And Dennis Gentry returned kicks. And Mike Singletary at MLB. And Richard Dent at DE. The Bears were incredible on the original Tecmo Bowl.

5. Craig Hodges hits 24 three-pointers in a row.

The most legendary highlight ever for the Bulls from NBA All-Star Weekend, Craig Hodges was Steph Curry if Steph Curry completely sucked in games and only shot well during contents. He won several of these. Pure shooter.

4. Sammy Sosa wins 2000 Home Run Derby.

Full disclosure. I was at this home run derby. It was in Atlanta in the summer of 2000. I was actually working for Delta Airlines as I was just a poor broke college student at the time, so I got a job throwing bags at the Golden Triangle Regional Airport in Columbus, Mississippi to make some money. Actually I started off washing the rental cars at National and Avis at the airport, but then I got hired by Delta because they needed help and I was in the building. So they sent me to Atlanta for a week of training and it happened to be during the week of the all-star game. Anyway, it came at just the right time for me. I had been going through it. See, my girlfriend of two years - Leigh Ann - broke up with me in the middle of June in 2000. We had been going out since 1998 and I was pretty sure she was the one. I even bought her a promise ring which was kind of a copout because I really only bought if for her because I didn't know what else to get her for Christmas in 1999. She got me a Sega Dreamcast, which was an incredible gift at the time. I really thought Dreamcast was gonna have a great run. She bought me the Dreamcast along with NBA 2K and NFL 2K and those games were absolutely amazing at the time. So I bought her the promise ring and thought we were gonna go all the way. But by the summer of 2000, Leigh Ann's mom had been in her ear and had convinced her that i was a deadbeat that was never gonna amount to much. I mean I can't really blame the woman. I had dropped out of college twice at this point and wasn't showing much initiative to get my life together. In fact, the only reason I got the jobs in the first place was because Leigh Ann thought I was too lazy and she couldn't date somebody who just laid around and played video games all day. So I'm working at the airport and thought things were going good. Then one night in the spring I went bass fishing when she thought we had a big date planned and I think it embarrassed her. But guys the fish were biting really hot that spring and I just loved bass fishing so much. Anyway in the summer she started growing distant and she started hanging out with other friends a lot. Like completely other friends. Not in our friend group at all. Then one night we went on a date to Arby's in Starkville because I loved the Chicken Bacon Swiss sandwich and she always went along. At the end of the meal she said she thought we had drifted apart and she was ready for something else. I was floored. I really thought we'd be together forever. I guess I was naive. And hell if it had lasted, I probably would've gotten a factory job in Mississippi where I'd have been miserable for 40 years before dying of a heart attack. So I guess it was the right decision for both of us. She went on to have multiple kids and she seems to have done well. Me? That first two years was rough. I didn't fully get over her til I started dating a big-tittied broad named Brooke in early 2002. She wanted to fuck all the time. So after Leigh Ann dumped me, I lost a lot of weight and couldn't eat. By early July, I never wanted to leave the house. I ended up going to Atlanta for the airline training simply because I had to. It was a miserable experience. Just stuck in a lonely hotel for a week by myself with no friends. Luckily the all-star game was in Atlanta that week and my rich friend Phil gave me a free ticket to the home run derby. So, trying to shake out of my funk, I dragged myself out of the bed and went to the home run derby.

And Sammy Sosa won.

3. Steve Kerr NBA Finals game-winner.

Steve Kerr hit one of the most clutch shots in Chicago Bulls history to help win the 1997 NBA Finals, and…

2. John Paxson's NBA Finals winner

…John Paxson hit the other to win the 1993 NBA Finals.

And now, the greatest sports moment in the history of the city of Chicago…

1. Stone Cold passes out in the sharpshooter at Wrestlemania 13.

Taking place at the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, this is one of the greatest moments ever recorded in Illinois and one of the finest moments in the history of humans. Stone Cold Steve Austin entered Wrestlemania 13 as a hated villain, and Bret Hart entered as a conquering hero. And in one perfect 30-minute match, they switched places when Stone Cold passed out due to the pain but he never gave up while in the sharpshooter.

Simply perfect.

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